Why shouldn't we believe everything we hear?
(Note: Rather than 'BS,' it's more likely to be bovine excreta, but makes some excellent -- and undeniable -- points!)
October 3, 2003
Weekly News from Secretary Larry Gabriel
South Dakota Secretary of Agriculture
Pierre, South Dakota
Contact: Paul.Riley@state.sd.us or 605-773-4234
Have you heard about the latest new conspiracy to expand the
Endangered Species Act to the “Endangered Something-or-other Act”?
MAN TWO: So what? That has nothing to do with range science. Our
science is one of how to use things in a beneficial manner. It has
nothing to do with preserving just for the sake of preserving.
MAN ONE: That’s my whole point. We are really missing the boat
and the gravy train. Look at all the hundreds of millions of dollars
the feds spend each year paying biologists to study snakes, snails,
butterflies, rodents and bugs, just because some group 'finds'
something 'unique' about one of them and claims it is a new subspecies
that must be 'preserved' for 'future generations.'
MAN TWO: I still don't see what that has to do with us, other than
the fact that those guys are now getting the federal research money we
used to get.
MAN ONE: You and I both know that snails, for example, are
classified by the features of their shells. All you have to do is pick
up any common land snail and throw it into any new environment where
it can survive and it will transform into a “unique new
subspecies,” because of the different soils and water it now
inhabits. Presto! You have a 'new subspecies' -- and even get to
name it after yourself. We have a product in range science that
operates the same way.
MAN TWO: If we do, I can't imagine what it is.
MAN ONE: It is so simple and obvious that you will kick yourself
for not thinking of it. (Leaning over close and whispering) It's cow
MAN TWO: COW PIES? ARE YOU CRAZY?
MAN ONE: Sh-h-h-h-h-h! Keep it down. I'm not crazy. If Congress is
foolish enough to believe that the bugs crawling around in it may
contain the cure for cancer, what makes you think they won't buy the
same assumption about cow pies? Think about it! They are a perfect
candidate. Nobody knows what they are good for. They change features
and texture and even shape in different environments. We could study
and classify them for the next twenty years and barely scratch the
surface of all the possible variations.
MAN TWO: I think cows will fly before your idea does (he rubbed his
chin a little, and then a gleam came to his eye and he continued).
However, I think there is real possibility we could get them to
designate cow pies as 'critical habitat' for the bugs that use them
and study that for twenty years.
Personally, I don't believe this story. It sounds like of bunch of 'BS' to me, but I'm not a member of Congress.
Copyright 2004, The South Dakota Department of Agriculture.